


Into the pool

by Willowisdarkagain



Category: Holby City
Genre: 4 days-4chapter, Bernie's backstory, Bernie's mother says hallo and much more, Canon Divergence, F/F, Horses, SIan is the friend we all want, everybody lives thank god, there's a pool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-16 13:58:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11830176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowisdarkagain/pseuds/Willowisdarkagain
Summary: It has been several months since Bernie came back from the Ukraine, and all is not right with the world. Bernie is in a relationship with Alex, much to Serena's distress. But she tries to keep a brace face on it all. However, everything is tested when She is asked to come away with them for a weekend Spa break... feelings and nerves are pushed to the max.Cannon until Bernie comes back from the Ukraine.





	1. Thursday

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place in 4 days, one for each chapter and I'll post one chapter a day.  
> Thanks to TwoBeatsAtOne for proofing this work and writing the summary (mine sucked soo much)

THURSDAY 17 AUGUST

Blue. That’s all Serena can see. She breathes deeply. In and out. Fresh cut grass, sun protector. The smell of magnolia from somewhere in the park. The perfectly smooth water ripples. Long legs walk down the steps of the pool. Bernie’s skin shines even paler in contrast with the dark tiles. Serena pulls her glasses down her nose and lets herself stare. Bernie disappears in the water, Serena follows her silhouette swimming. When she resurfaces she is in front of Serena’s lounger, Bernie smiles. Serena’s eyes follow the little drops on her eyelashes falling down her cheeks, her neck. It’s a perfect moment.  
A splash in the water makes them turn away. A woman swims to Bernie, reaches her, takes her from her waist and kisses her. Serena compels herself to watch this display of intimacy, the fluidity of every little gesture amplified by the water. She will get use to this new world in which Bernie is not hers. She will one day, she’s just not sure when.  
“Alex, I thought you wanted to take a nap.”  
“Turns out I can’t nap without you.” She murmurs something else at Bernie’s ear, they both laugh.  
Serena looks away, takes her book and lays down.  
Sian comes back from the bar with two Spritz. She sits on Serena’s lounger and whispers. “It would be more effective if you didn't hold it upside down.”  
“Shit!” Serena closes the book.  
“Here, drink this. I really don’t know why you had to put yourself in this ridiculous situation.”  
“Sian!” Serena admonishes her.  
Sian looks at Alex and Bernie. They’re talking closely. “I don’t think they’re even aware of our existence.” She squeezes her eyes. “Oh Lord, Alex’s hand is in Bernie’s swimsuit!”  
Serena sits up. “Oh my God!”  
“Just kidding, they’re only chatting.” Sian grins.  
“Why would you tell me something like that!”  
“Because, Serena Campbell, you are an idiot.”  
Serena opens the book again. “I just want to relax, Sian.”  
“Then you have picked the wrong vacation, darling.” Sian pats her knee.  
“Do you want to eat here or inside?” Bernie asks from the pool.  
“Here. It’s such a lovely day, isn’t it Serena?”  
“Gorgeous.” Serena smiles politely.  
“Ok, I’m gonna go and tell them.” She gets out of the pool and wrings out the water from her hair. “Shit, I forgot the towel.” She looks at Alex that’s still swimming and then to Serena. “Do you mind?”  
Serena stands up. “Of course not.” She takes her towel and holds it open. Bernie hesitates for a moment then lets Serena wrap the towel around her. “Thanks.”  
They’re so close that Serena could count the summer freckles on Bernie’s cheeks. “You’re welcome.” She mutters.  
When Serena turns to Sian she sees her fanning herself. “Jesus, I need a cold shower. The sexual tension just killed me.”  
Serena rolls her eyes. “We’re friends. Friends do nice thing for each other.”  
“You’ve never wrapped _me _like a taco.”__

____

Bernie has put a military style shirt on and her hair are slowly drying. They’re eating a fruit salad on a small table by the pool.  
“I haven’t said thank you for inviting me. I really needed some days off.” Sian smiles.  
“The more the merrier, right? I wanted to have the chance to know Serena better. She’s such a big part of Bernie’s life.” Alex caresses Bernie’s arm.  
“Oh she is. And in such a small amount of time. How long? One year?” Sian asks.  
“Yes but there was Ukraine too, at some point. You came back in January if I can recall?” Serena pretends to think about it.  
“Yes, January.” Bernie’s answer is dry.  
“It must have been freezing!” Sian comments.  
“Yes.” Bernie shudders. “It was a great opportunity, though.”  
“I’m sure it was worthy all the pain in the word.” Serena can’t help herself.  
“It was just a couple of months.” Bernie tries to hide the hurt.  
“Yes. The time just flied by. And then you were back at Holby like nothing happened.” Serena smiles at Alex. “We’re so lucky to have her.”

 

JANUARY

“You can’t kiss me, fly to Ukraine and then expect to carry on where we left.” Serena swiped the bottle of wine from Bernie’s hand. “Did you buy it at the wine bar around the corner?”  
“No, I…” Bernie looked mortified at the poorly wrapped object. “Yes, I did. But there weren’t many shops where I was staying.”  
Serena stood up from her chair. “Do you know how many texts and mails I’ve sent you? Or there is no internet as well in Ukraine?”  
“I was… I didn’t know what to say. I felt guilty. But I thought of you constantly, please believe me.”  
“I don’t have much choice, do I? Since there is no proof whatsoever of what you could possibly be thinking.”  
Bernie took cautiously her hand. “I’m so, so sorry. Please give me the chance to show you how much I care about you. I won’t make the same mistake again.”  
Bernie stepped forward and Serena watched an hopeful, tentative smiles appear. Bernie’s beautiful smile, she hadn’t seen it for so long.  
“I… don’t know, Bernie… I…”  
“I missed you so much.” Bernie closed the gap and kissed her. Serena gasped and the more they kissed the more she could feel the anger melting away. But they’re in the hospital, anyone could knock at the door. She brushed Bernie’s lips one last time.  
“Tonight?” Serena whispered. Bernie nodded and hugged her. It was then that Serena noticed the piece of paper on Bernie’s desk.  
“What is that?” Serena’s voice was deadly cold again.  
Bernie froze. Serena had to physically move her aside to reach Bernie’s desk. She grabbed the paper and held it in front of Bernie. “What is this?”  
Bernie looked down, up, anywhere but Serena.  
“Transfers papers! With today’s date on it!”  
Bernie could feel her throat tighten. “Yes, I thought…”  
“That you could use it like some sort of ultimatum with me?”  
“No! No, I would never…” Bernie tried to explain herself.  
“You wanted to leave! Again! Oh my God I must be the biggest fool… Why do you keep doing this to me? Is it some sort of perverted game?”  
“No, please listen to me. It was… I thought you didn’t want me anymore. People were talking, about… Robbie, I mean. You haven’t spoken to me the whole day.”  
“Stop right there! You left me and I’ve seen Robbie for a total of two seconds but you still think you can be jealous.”  
“No, I…”  
“I’m not fished. You came back only this morning and you think you have the right to be upset because I haven’t teared off my clothes the moment you walk the door?”  
Bernie was panicking. “I wouldn’t put it that way…”  
“You put it in black and white on this fucking paper, Bernie.”  
“Please tell me… what can I do to make it right?”  
Serena walked to her, studied her face, the tears threatening to fall down. “You can stay.”  
Bernie is surprised. “Can I?”  
“You can stay and prove you’re not a coward.” Serena opened the door. “But for yourself, not for me. I’m done, Major.”

 

THURSDAY 17 AUGUST

“Why did you say yes?” It’s late afternoon and Serena is rummaging in her bag.  
“Who would say no to three days at a spa?” Sian comes out of the bathroom after taking a shower. “You shouldn’t have asked in the first place.”  
Serena throws a skirt on the bed. “I was forced!”  
“Forced?” Sian puts a hand on her heart and breathes theatrically. “Forced by lingering looks and impossible long legs?”  
Serena sits on the bed, defeated. “Her looks do not linger. On me anyway.”  
“They do. You’re just too busy pitying yourself to notice.”  
Someone knocks on the door. “Hey guys, we’ll wait for you downstairs, ok?”  
“Yes, Alex. Give us fifteen minutes.”  
“No worries, take your time!”  
They listen to Alex footsteps fading away. Sian sighs. “She’s so nice! I would date her myself.”  
“Oh fuck off, Sian.”

Bernie had insisted that she should chose the rental car for the weekend. A metal grey Porsche Panamera S, 440 hp, from 0 to 100km/h in 4.4 second, an enthusiastic Bernie has informed the others gaining only a mild reaction.  
“Do you always drive so fast?” Sian asks with curiosity.  
“Fast?” Bernie laughed. “This is not fast. But if you want, I can show it to you.” She winked in the rearview mirror.  
“Oh, yes, please.” Sian chirrups. Serena stares skeptical at her, but only for a second. After that, she’s pressed against the seat. Bernie makes the engines revs spike, the car roars and she change shift. The road is narrow and straight, she lets the Porsche run, never touching the brake. Hidden by the tree she sees a sudden bend. Bernie change shift, down this time. Seventh, sixth, fifth. The tyres grip on the curve. Bernie slowly takes the car back to a calmer speed, her eyes sparkling with joy.  
“So that was a Porsche going to a modicum velocity, ladies.”  
“I don’t think I will ever get into a car with you again.” Serena announces.  
“I loved it! You can take me on a drive anytime you want, Bernie!” Sian turns to Alex. “What do you think?”  
“I have to say I agree with Serena. I’ll drive the way back.”  
“You’ll have to take the keys from my cold dead hands, darling.”  
“If you do another stunt like that I don’t think it will be a problem.” Serena mutters.

It’s a nice and quiet restaurant by the sea. Their table is close to a large window that reflects the pier and its lights. Bernie takes off her coat and hangs it on her chair.  
“A dress?” Serena wanders. “I didn’t know you owned any.”  
“It’s a gift.” Bernie smiles to Alex. “She insists that I should wear them more often.”  
“Isn’t she stunning?” Alex adjusts Bernie’s hair.  
“Isn’t she always?” Serena says holding Alex’s gaze.  
Sian clears her throat. “I don’t know about you but I’m thirsty. White? Red?”  
“Shiraz.” Serena and Bernie speak together.  
“And Shiraz it is. Let’s call the pretty boy in the white shirt.”  
Serena follows her look. “That’s not a waiter.”  
“He isn’t?” Sian fakes innocence. “Let’s call him anyway.”

The conversation rounds mostly about medicine and hospitals while waiting for the starters. And it doesn’t seem to change much during the main course. Sian has had enough of sick people and low budgets. “So, how you two met?”  
“We were serving together.” Alex answers.  
“But you were married, right Bernie?”  
“Yes.” She takes a piece of fillet and starts chewing.  
“And you had never, shall we say, kissed a girl before?”  
Bernie tries to swallow but the mouthful gets stuck in her throat. She drinks a glass of water. “No, I met Marcus when I was very young.”  
“I did!” Sian says cheerfully.  
“You did what?” Serena could see how little Bernie was enjoying the subject.  
“I kissed a girl. Two girls, to be honest. But nothing more. What about you Serena? Have you ever kissed a girl?”  
Serena blushes and Bernie coughs saying. “Alex, please can I have some more water?”  
Serena takes the bottle and pours the water in her own glass. “Yes, once.”  
“You never told me!”  
“Didn’t I?” Serena sees Bernie’s finger clinches on the tablecloth and shrugs. “A woman in Stepney. But it wasn’t meant to be.”  
Bernie’s hand relaxes. And it enrages Serena to be the one covering for Bernie with Alex. “I should have told you, Sian. Secrets always find a way to reveal themselves.”  
“Do you want to take a walk after dinner?” Bernie tries to sound casual. “I think I ate too much.”  
Serena smirks. “You always bite more than you can chew.”  
They stare at each other until Bernie turns smiling to Alex. “Always the mother hen, our Serena.”  
“Really?” Alex is unconvinced. “By the way did you tell them about tomorrow?”  
Bernie’s head falls down. “No.”  
Sian leans forward. “What about tomorrow?”  
“Bernie’s mother lives nearby. She asked us, all four of us, to have lunch with her.”  
“You definitely don’t have to come.” Bernie adds.  
“Oh, thank you.” Serena laughs.  
“What Bernie means is that her mother can be a little hostile.”  
“You already met her?” Serena barely knows there is a mother. Bernie never talks about her.  
“Not yet. And for what Bernie has told me I’m not looking forward to it. But the place is really nice. Big house, beautiful garden, horses and everything.”  
“Yes, well, mother tends to ruin this nice picture more often than not. So, feel free to stay at the hotel and enjoy the sauna. I’ll say hello for you.”  
“I want to come, if Serena agrees.” Sian looks at her friend.  
“Yes, why not. I’m sure she can’t be that terrible.”  
“You’ll be amazed.” 

“I liked the pier as a child.” Bernie and Serena are walking side by side in the Friday night crowd. Sian has engulfed Alex somewhere in front of them.  
“It’s quite beautiful if you’re a kid.”  
“Now I think I prefer the West Pier. The burnt one, we saw it from the car.”  
“Yes, sure.” Serena search for it but it’s only a shadow in the dark. “A bit gloomy.”  
“Maybe. I’m sorry I didn’t tell Alex about… us.”  
“You should be probably apologizing to her.”  
“I know. I will.” Bernie sighs. “I keep doing the same mistakes over and over again.”  
“Yes, you are.” Serena says blatantly and Bernie finches. “I don’t want to be mean, Bernie. But it’s true. She will find out. It took Sian fifteen minutes with us on the train this morning.”  
“Sian knows?” Bernie turns pale.  
“She won’t say anything. She’s not as silly as she looks.”  
“I guess you’re glad now.”  
“About what?”  
“That it didn’t work out, me and you.”  
Serena stops and turns to her. “Don’t say that.”  
“Say what?” Sian appears from the crowd with Alex. “Here, take some sugar.” She hands Serena pink candy floss and Alex does the same with Bernie.  
“She doesn’t like it.” Serena says.  
“Doesn’t she?” Alex looks at Bernie. “We ate it at the park, a couple of weeks ago. Why didn’t you tell me so?”

The ride back is quiet. Bernie’s face is dimly lighted by the dashboard. Serena studies her profile from the backseat. The thin lips, Serena thinks, I’ve kissed those lips. Did I bit them too? Did I savor them? She couldn’t remember anymore.


	2. Friday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and comment, I love to know what you think:)  
> Thanks to TwoBeatsAtOne!  
> Also when you'll read about Argos, I'm referring to Odysseus’s dog, not to the shop in the UK.

FRIDAY 18 AUGUST

After a morning spent between the sauna and the cool water of the pool, Bernie is leaning on the car waiting for the others. She changed a couple of times and then settled for black slacks and a white shirt with long leaves and thin green stripes. She tried to straighten up her hair but gave up and just used a clip to held it back. She knows that all this effort is for her mother and she despises herself for it.  
Alex arrives first and smiles. “How nervous are you from one to ten?”  
“Eleven? Probably twelve.”  
“You were blown up by an IED, I’m sure you can survive this too.”  
“Because you were with me.”  
“I’m with you now, too.” Alex kisses her lips in reassurance. Bernie holds her and relaxes a little until she sees Serena coming out of the hotel and halting as soon as she notices the couple.  
“They’re here.” Bernie tenses and softly pushes Alex away.  
“Can’t wait to see the horses!” Sian shouts taking Serena’s arm and making her move.   
“There are only two and they’re quite old.”  
“What’s wrong with being old?” Sian scolds Bernie.  
“Absolutely nothing.” Bernie smiles and opens the door for Sian.  
“Such a gallant lady. Where have you been all my life?”   
“Afghanistan, probably.” Serena intervenes from the other side of the car.

“We’re almost there. I just… I just want to warn you. We are not… we don’t like each other much.” Bernie sighs. “I hope it won’t be a total disaster…”  
“Don’t worry. I think the four of us can handle one little old lady.” Serena says. “Did you live here?”  
“It was the summer house. After my father died, mother moved here. But I already had Cam and Charlotte. We used to come here with the kids. They loved it. I didn’t. So, when they grew up I sort of… stopped.”  
“Did she like Marcus?” Alex asks.  
“Yes, well, she had her reasons. And loved the kids. I think I was the one she couldn’t stand.” Bernie signals on the left. “Here we are.”  
The Porsche takes a narrow dirt road till a big metal gate. Bernie gets off the car and opens it. After a few hundred yards, behind the trees, they see a big old house. One store, with bright green ivy growing on almost every inch.  
Bernie turns off the car and hears a dog barking. “Alfred!”  
She opens the door and looks around. An old black English cocker toddles to her. Bernie kneels and the dog jumps her. “Alfred, beautiful boy. Come here.”  
“We should have called him Argos since he can still remember you after all this years.”   
Bernie looks up. “Hello mother.”  
“Did you close the gate?”  
“Um… no.”  
Her mother gestures the gardener to go and close it. Bernie stands up and they study each other. Her mother’s hair are completely white now. She’s shorter than Bernie but there’s a striking resemblance. Bernie can see a few more lines on her face but her eyes are still young, still ocean blue. She used to wish to have inherited that from her when she was little.  
“Hello.” Serena breaks the staring contest. “I’m Serena Campbell.” She offers her hand.  
“Margaret Wolfe.”  
Bernie points at the other to women. “This is Alex and Sian.”  
“Nice to meet you, Miss Wolfe.” Alex smiles.  
“Oh please call me Margaret. Is it being a long trip?”  
“No, forty minutes.” Sian looks at Bernie. “She’s a very good driver.”  
“I’m sure.” Margaret observers the three women. “So, who’s sleeping with my daughter?”  
“Mother!” Bernie shouts.  
Margaret tilts her head. “If I know Berenice’s tastes, I’d say you. Am I right?”  
Bernie, Sian and Alex turn to Serena. “Me?” She’s blushing furiously. “No, no. It’s not me! It’s her!” She points at Alex.  
“Well thanks, Serena.” Bernie mutters. “Yes, it’s Alex. How could you possibly know?”  
“Charlotte and I keep in touch. Her sense of family is well stronger than yours. Shall we go inside? The lunch should be ready by now.” She walks to house.  
Alex takes Bernie on the side. “You handled it well.”  
“Really?” Bernie frowns.  
“No, of course you didn’t. ‘It’s Alex’, what the hell Bernie.”  
“I wasn’t expecting a full frontal attack in the first thirty seconds! I told you she’s horrible.”  
“I don’t care how your mother behaves, I care how you behave.”  
“Ok… sorry, It won’t happen again.” Bernie kisses her on the cheek. “Let’s get inside now and eat as quickly as possible.” She thinks about holding Alex’s hand but doesn’t. 

The long table in the dining room is set like it was in the big occasions when she was a kid. She remembered her mother punishing her each time she’d choose the wrong fork. All those silly rules, she hated them. Being on the field eating from a can, she had often laughed thinking how horrified Margaret would have been. She looks out of the window and sees Alfred crunching a stick. She has missed the dog. She wishes she could have one in Holby, but she works too much. The love for animals is maybe the only thing she shares with her mother. Serena is on her right and next to Margaret that’s sitting at the head of the table. They haven’t stopped chatting from the beginning of the lunch.   
“Berenice works for you?” Margaret was probably the only person on earth who basket in the sound of ‘Berenice’. She was the one who imposed it on her at birth and she will never changed it over its shorter version.  
“No, we run the AAU together.”  
“Really? Berenice has never being very good at sharing.”  
“I don’t know about the past but it’s very easy working with her. She’s one of the best trauma surgeons in the country.” Serena’s eyes sparks for a moment. “But you know that.”  
“I can’t say I do. But I’ll believe you.”  
“You both know I’m here, right?” Bernie says.  
“Hard to tell since you’ve barely spoken. The napkin, darling.”  
“What about it?” Bernie frowns and Margaret glares at her. “Oh, yes.” She takes it from the table and puts it back in her lap.   
Margaret smirks and goes back talking to Serena leaving Bernie cursing herself for still falling in her mother’s little games.

After lunch Margaret shows the garden to her guests. “I used to take care of it all by myself, but now Charlie does most of the work.” She waives to a middle aged man that’s trimming a small apple tree. “On this side we have the stable.”  
“Yes, Bernie told us you have two horses.” Serena is still the only one making conversation with Margaret.  
“They’re quite old. We used to have more. Berenice loved riding. She spent all of her time in the stable, didn’t you?” She looks at Bernie that doesn’t answer. “I always knew where to find her.”  
They stare at each other for a moment until Serena steps in between. “Is it possible to ride the horses?”  
“Can you ride?” Margaret is curious.  
“It’s been a-while but I think I can still do it.”  
Margaret turns to Bernie and laugh. “You never change.” Then to Serena. “Unfortunately the veterinarian has advised against it, but we can go and say hello, I’m sure Berenice would love it.”

Bernie and her mother push open the stable’s door. The smell stings but it’s familiar, the place is still full of memories and Bernie has missed it. She enters one of the stalls and pats the white and brown Welara. Serena gets inside with her, while Margaret leads Alex and Sian into the other.  
“What was all that all about?”   
“What do you mean?” Bernie answers coldly.  
“If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s fine.” Serena tries to leave but Bernie stops her, tugging at her arm.  
“Some other time?” She smiles sheepishly.  
“Alright.” Serena squeezes the hand that’s still on her arm.  
“There’s something…” Alex comes in and looks at them. Bernie lets go of Serena. “You’re mother sent me to ask you if you can give a look at the horse’s hoof, there’s something wrong with it.”  
“Of course.” Bernie is more than happy to leave that suddenly crowded space.

When the tour of the garden is over Bernie can’t wait to get back to the hotel. “It’s getting late.” She explains to her mother. “And we wanted to have a little time before going out for dinner.”  
“Of course. You always enjoyed a good night out in Brighton.”  
Bernie blushes. “I’m glad I’m so predictable, mother.”  
“You’ve always been, at least for me. Let me accompany you and your wonderful friends at your flashy car.”  
They say their goodbyes, Serena hugs Margaret promising to send pictures of her roses. Alex and Sian shake her hand. Bernie kisses her quickly on the cheek. When they’re all in the car Bernie can finally breathe.   
“I don’t think she likes me but I’m sure she’s in love with Serena.” Alex says.  
Bernie turns to her. “What? Oh, yes. Serena can charm a snake, how annoying is that?”  
“I’m quite proud of my charming abilities, thank you very much.”  
“We already know that.”  
“Oh Sian, I forgot you were here.”  
Sian glares at Serena. “Funny. You’re mother scared the shit out of me, Bernie.”  
“Thank God for someone that understands me. Let’s get out of here.” She puts the key in, turns it but nothing happens. She does it again. And again but nothing.  
“Fuck, fuck don’t die on me, not here!”  
“What’s going on?” Alex asks.  
“It’s not starting. I can’t start the fucking car.” Bernie shouts.   
“You’re practically a mechanic, can’t you do something?” Serena offers.  
“I can’t pull apart a Porsche engine! And even if I could I don’t have the tools. It’s completely dead, it must be something electrical but I can’t tell you much more.”  
“We should call the rental company.” Alex says searching for the papers in the dashboard drawer. Bernie lays back on the seat and sees her mother smiling at her.

They’re all sitting on the couch facing Margaret. She’s drumming her fingers on the armchair. “I’m so sorry you’re trapped here until tomorrow. I know it’s not what you’ve had planned but… Well, unfortunately part of the house is under reconstruction and there are only two rooms I can offer. Your old room, Berenice, and one of the guest rooms. The dinner will be served at half past six. You can see the sunset from the back of the house in the meantime, I always find it very soothing.”  
Margaret stands up and so do the others. “Do you mind if I talk to my daughter? She’ll be with you in a minute.”  
She waits to be alone to lose the smile. “I won’t let you sleep with that woman.”  
“I think you are a little too late this time.”  
“I don’t care. This is my house and this are my rules.”  
“Where do you want to put her? In the dungeon?”  
“With the blonde woman, Sian. You can sleep with Serena.”  
Bernie can feel the heat creeping out her face. “Mother, I can’t tell Alex that!”  
“But I can. I think you remember how well I can handle this kind of conversations.”  
“I’m not seventeen anymore.” She breathes out with rage.  
“Then you can appreciate the value of a quiet evening.” Margaret threatens her.

Bernie comes out of the house, furious. She grabs Alex’s wrist. “Come with me, would you?”  
They find a place, not too far. “My mother…” Bernie tries to find the words but there’s very little she can sugarcoated. “She doesn’t want us to stay in the same room.”  
“Oh.”  
“Yes, I’m sorry. She’s… I don’t know why she cares so much. She just wants to drive me insane.”  
Alex brushes her arms. “It’s ok.”  
“Is it?” Bernie marvels.  
“It’s not ok, but I’ve been dealing all my life with difficult, homophobic mothers in law. It’s not really surprising.” She briefly kisses her lips. “She didn’t even know you were gay until Charlotte told her and here you are in your fifties coming for lunch with your girlfriend. She must be a little confused.”  
“Yeah, maybe… So you’re not angry?”  
“Not at all.”  
“Good, that’s all that matters. Let’s go tell the others.”  
They go back holding hands and Bernie sees Serena looking away.   
“Serena’s new best friend…” Bernie starts but Serena interrupts her.  
“I wouldn’t go so far.”  
“My mother then, as unfortunate as it is, had asked to change our night arrangements. So Sian, if you don’t mind, you’ll share the room with Alex and you Serena with me.”   
“What?” Serena can’t help saying. Bernie sees her regretting it immediately as soon as she notices Sian trying to hold a laugh.  
“I know I’m sorry. The alternative is the car. I couldn’t change her mind.”  
“Fine by me.” Sian says. “I’m a bit scared of spending the night here anyway and what’s better than a soldier to defend my honor?”   
“I think that went lost quite a while ago.” Serena smirks.  
“Why don’t you mind your own?” Sian retorts quickly and Serena coughs.  
“It’s settled then?”Bernie cuts the little quarrel short. “I think we should head back for dinner.”

The meal is more frugal than the lunch. And after they go to the living room to watch tv. A documentary about plants that only Margaret and Serena seem to like. Bernie sits on the couch between Alex and Serena. It’s not a position she particularly enjoys. When Serena pulls up her feet and brushes Bernie’s thigh she has to force herself not jump. She can feel the heat coming both sides, slowly suffocating her. Her mother darts a look in her direction and Bernie prays she can school her face enough. Margaret could always read her so easily. Alex moves and her knee presses on Bernie’s, at the same time Serena’s feet slide on her leg and she leaves them there. Bernie breathes and looks at her watch. It’s only eight.

 

APRIL

Serena’s shift was ending and she was passing the command to Bernie who was about to start the night shift. “It’s been oddly quiet today. Never a good sign. In bay 1 and 3 there are two patients recovering from surgery. The others are all code green and yellow. Morven will give you the details…” Bernie was looking over her shoulder. “Am I bothering you?”  
“No, sorry. Keep going.”  
“Nothing much, really. Another unproductive meeting with the board and… Are you listening?  
“Sorry, I thought I saw someone.”  
“We have many of those here.”  
“Yes, no. I mean someone…”  
“Who?”  
“I guess she was talking about me.” Alex appeared from behind them and smiled. “Hi, Bernie.”  
“Hi.” They look at each other in silence.  
“Hello, I’m Serena. Are you a friend of Bernie?”  
“Yes. Alex, nice to meet you.”   
“Oh.” It took Serena a moment to shake her hand. “Alex.” She said looking at Bernie. “I’ll leave you two alone.”  
“I didn’t want to interrupt.”  
“Nothing to interrupt. I was finished with Bernie anyway, right?” Bernie doesn’t say anything. “I was going home. Have a nice evening.” Serena turned away in time for a wave of jealousy to hit her.

Bernie didn’t talk about Alex. They’re friends now but not that kind of friends, Serena thought. And Bernie had never been much of a talker. But Serena noticed things. The same clothes two days in a row, Bernie receiving more texts than usual. It hurt her, it shouldn’t really but not knowing for sure was the worst part.  
“Are you seeing Alex?”  
They were washing their hands after a long surgery. Serena was tired and it had slipped away.   
Bernie reflected before answering something harsh like ‘why do you care?’ and considers each word. “She wants to.”  
It’s not really what Serena had asked. It’s misleading, partial at best. It forced her to live with her doubts or expose herself. So, she let it be.

Serena was coming to work. She has left her car thinking about pain au chocolate when she saw Bernie getting off of a car she didn’t recognize.   
Bernie stopped in front of her. “What’s so interesting?” It was a little rude, not even saying good morning before launching an attack. Bernie knew it but it’s been weeks and if Serena wanted to say something she should have said it by now.  
“Absolutely nothing.” Serena spells it slowly.  
“I thought as much.” Bernie had lost a bit of defiance. “You cleared that months ago.” She entered the hospital. Serena didn’t move and when her hands trembled it was not because of the cold.

 

FRIDAY 18 AUGUST

An hour later Bernie is at the end of her rope. “Aren’t you all tired?”  
“Yes, a bit.” Sian admits.   
“Me too.” Alex nods.  
Serena stays silent.  
“Shall we go?” She stands up followed by Alex. “Which room is for Alex and Sian?”  
“The one at the end of the corridor, on the left.”  
“Ok, I’ll show them. Goodnight.”  
They all follow Bernie out. The first room is Bernie’s. She opens the door and tells Serena she can go inside. Then she takes Alex and Sian to their room.   
Sian says goodbye and disappears looking for the ensuite. Alex smiles to Bernie. “See you tomorrow, major.”  
“Like old times.”   
“At least now I can kiss you goodnight.”  
“That you can, you should.” They kiss sweetly. “See you tomorrow.” Bernie kisses her briefly one more times and walks the corridor back. The smile on her face fading at every step.   
Serena is in the bathroom, when she gets out she sees Bernie sitting on the edge of the double bed. Her head is down and her hair shines at the yellow light of the bedside lamp. “I have… nothing to wear.”  
Bernie stands up. “There must be some of my old stuff, somewhere.” She opens a drawer and picks up a few clothes.  
“Sex pistols or Ramones?”  
Serena looks at her puzzled.  
“The t-shirts. Which one?”  
“A bit of a rebel, where we? Ramones.”  
Bernie throws at her the t-shirt and quickly takes off the top she’s wearing. She takes the Sex pistol t-shirt and puts it on. The sleeves have been cut and the collar too. Serena stares at her with her mouth slightly open.  
“What? You’ve seen me changing in the locker room a thousand times.” She says briskly and removes her bra from under her clothes.   
“I wasn’t…” Serena tries to deny.  
“No, you were.” Bernie glares at her and Serena looks away. “And your feet brushing oh so casually on me before. What’s making me suddenly interesting? Is it Alex?”  
“You’re stepping the line, Bernie.” Serena warned her.  
“I’ve already stepped on it, many times. You didn’t used to to mind.”   
“I understand your mother gets to you but I’m not your punching bag.”  
Bernie gets in the bathroom and shuts the door. Is she imagining things? This place always brings up the worse in her. There’s Alex a few rooms away, her mother under the same roof, all the ghosts of the past tormenting her again. And Serena in her bed. She would have killed to sleep with Serena only a few months ago. Now it feels like a torture, cruel and unusual. All the secrets and blatant lies weight on Bernie, she slides on the floor and covers her head.   
She doesn’t hear Serena knocking, or notice the door gingerly opening. She jumps when Serena sits next to her and holds her close.  
“It’s ok” Serena murmurs. “You can cry, it’s safe here, with me.”  
Bernie didn’t even know she was crying. She leans on Serena’s shoulder, slides an arm around her waist and holds on to her until she stops shaking. Serena takes a towel and wets it with cold water trying not to move away. She cleans tenderly Bernie’s face.  
“Want to talk about it?”  
“I don’t know where to start.”   
“From the beginning, I guess.”  
“There was a girl.” Bernie pushes aside her fringe. “There’s always a girl, apparently. She was the daughter of some of my parents’s friend. We used to spend the summer together.”  
“Riding, I presume.”  
“Yes. When we were seventeen something changed. I was aware of that, we both were, but we couldn’t… I don’t know, name it. Nothing happened but my mother…”  
“She found out?”  
Bernie nods. “We were lying on the hay in the stable, just chatting but we were close, holding hands. Mother came in, saw us and went mad. She said horrible, horrible things. She threatened to tell my father, her parents… She never came back.” Bernie laughs bitterly. “When years later I brought here Marcus, my mother was so happy. She probably loved him more than I did. She was… grateful.”  
Bernie looks up to Serena. “I’ve never told anyone.”  
“How does it feel?”   
“Good.” Bernie thinks about it. “It seems… less awful. No, not less awful, but more manageable.”  
Serena caresses Bernie’s naked arm, encouraging Bernie to go on. “I left at the end of that summer to start uni. I thought I had found a new home with Marcus. But I kept running away from him, all those years. And again with Alex, I ran away from her and back to Marcus. And after that…”  
“You ran away from me.”   
“Yes.” Bernie is still ashamed.  
“You’re not seventeen anymore.”   
“That’s why I stayed at Holby.” Bernie whispers. “I stopped running after Kiev. I stopped for you.”  
Serena tenses. She takes her hand off Bernie’s arm and puts it on the floor. “You shouldn’t talk like this.”  
“I thought you liked the truth.”  
“I bet Alex likes it too.” Serena’s reply is quick and poisonous.  
Bernie’s hurt. “I waited for you to change your mind.”  
“Three months!”  
“Please do tell, how long should I have been pining after you for finally being worthy of your attention?”  
They’re not holding each other anymore, only staring harshly.  
“This conversation is pointless.” Serena tries to stand up but Bernie stops her.  
“Really?”  
“Yes. Your girlfriend is two rooms down the corridor and it’s all your fucking mess.”  
“Don’t you think I’m aware of that? She’s always loved me, she came back for me. She never plays your little games. She doesn’t make me crazy like you do. It’s all fucking easy.”  
“Well, here you go. Happy for you mate.”  
“Are you?”  
“Of course not. I’m devastated. You chose her over me. I can’t touch you, I can’t kiss you. I want to wake up every morning with you. But you chose her. And I have to watch her doing all the things I want to do. I don’t know why the hell I’m here. No, wait, I know. Because you fucking asked me. We are such best friends, Bernie. Everything is damn perfect.”   
Bernie stares speechless at her.   
“Great.” Serena struggles to get up and Bernie instinctively helps her.   
“Don’t do that.” Serena shouts.  
“I’m just trying…”  
Serena lets herself fall back down. “Don’t help. I don’t need you. I don’t…” She sobs and covers her mouth, surprised. “I don’t need you, Bernie. I’ve lived all my life without you.” She starts crying. “I can…”  
Bernie holds her. “I know, Serena. I know.” She kisses her forehead. “I’m sorry.” Her right hand gently rubs Serena’s nape, the other is warm and still on the small of her back.

Bernie can’t feel her right leg anymore when Serena is finally calm again.  
“We should go to sleep.” Serena seems embarrassed for her outburst. She holds on the door’s knob and stands up. “Are you coming?”  
“Yes, I need a minute. Go on.”   
Serena closes the door behind her and Bernie slowly gets up. She finds a toothbrush and looks at herself in the mirror.  
Serena is lying on her side of the bed with her eyes closed. Bernie turns off the lamp and lays next to her. When she adjusts to the moonlight coming through the window she can see Serena’s shape.   
“You didn’t say that you love her.” Serena whispers in the dark.  
“What?”  
“You just said that was easy.”


	3. Saturday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks guys for reading and leaving kudos and comments. Please keep those coming!  
> Thanks to my wonderful beta:)

SATURDAY 19 AUGUST

The duvet has fallen off on the floor. Their limbs are entangled. Bernie’s body is almost all on top of Serena’s. Their shirts have rolled up during the night and Bernie’s breast is naked on Serena’s skin. Serena’s hand is under Bernie’s thigh and when Bernie stirs, the hand slides up. It takes her a moment to remember where she is, who the body beneath her belongs to. She stills. Her mouth dangerously close to Serena’s neck. She breaths in and her body is fully awake. It responds to the closeness without her consent. She needs to move away but she doesn’t want to wake up Serena, she doesn’t want to lose this feeling just yet.  
A quick knock on the door and Alex is inside before Bernie can do anything.  
“Bernie… Oh.” Alex freezes.  
Serena opens her eyes while Bernie pushes on her to jump out of the bed. She looks confused at them. Then hears the fear in Bernie’s voice. “Alex it’s not…”  
Sian is right behind Alex, she sees Serena almost naked, the messy bed and the look on Bernie’s face. “I’m sorry I tried to stop her.”  
The three women turn to Sian and she realizes her mistake.  
“What do you mean you tried to stop me? Why would you… Oh my God. Fuck you Bernie, fuck all of you.” Alex runs back into her room, with Bernie at her heels.  
Serena stands up on her elbows. “You really are a piece of art.”  
“I’m sorry.” Sian is really regretful. “It just came out. Look at the room, look at you! And frankly you slept with her girlfriend not me!”  
“I did not such thing!”  
“Of course.” Sian winked. “But I don’t think she can hear us, they’re screaming pretty loud.”  
“No, seriously Sian, nothing happened. We must have had bad dreams, I don’t know. But I’ve been cheated on, I would never do that to anyone.” She listens to the muffled voices. “Do you think I should say something?”  
“Like, oh, we did want to shag each other silly, but we’re too British to actually do it? Maybe let Bernie handle this. You can always talk to her later.” A big crash comes from the other room. “If anyone survives, that is.”  
“Breakfast will be ready in ten minutes.” Margaret appears out of thin air, making Sian jump. “Good morning ladies.” She looks inside the room, Serena still in the Sex Pistol t-shirt and black knickers.   
She tries to retrieve the duvet and cover herself. “Good morning.”  
“Will you tell…” A particularly high pitched scream makes her pause. “Well, Berenice knows when breakfast is served.”  
Sian waits to be sure that Margaret is gone. “Jesus is like the housekeeper in that old movie.”  
“Rebecca.” Serena helps.  
“Who?”  
“Rebecca. It’s the title. Hitchcock. Never mind.” She sighs. “Should I be more sorry. I should feel guilty.”  
“But you didn’t do anything.”  
“And yet…” Serena gestures to the other room.  
Sian goes and sits next to her. “If I were Alex… well, I’d probably kill you.”  
“I feel better already.”  
“I’m not finished. Being with someone that loves you but is in love with someone else… I wouldn’t want that, would you?”  
Serena doesn’t answer.

Sian sits at the table eating with gusto. “Better than the hotel!”  
Serena has been spreading jam on the same toast for the last five minutes.  
“They’ve stopped fighting. Did you notice?” Sian asks her.  
“Um… no.”  
“What do you think they’re doing? Break up sex? Make up sex? Plain old sex?”  
“You really have only one thing in that devious mind of yours.” But she was already tormenting herself with that question.  
Margaret comes in with a basket of fruits. “These are from the garden.” She leaves it on the table and takes a red apple. “I’m particularly proud of these. Very sweet.” She smiles. “The forbidden fruit. Doesn’t look the part, does it? But there’s always someone falling for it. Right, Berenice?”  
Serena turns around and sees Bernie, all dressed up but with yesterday makeup smeared under her eyes and a messy ponytail to hold back her hair.  
“Mother always knows best.” She looks at Serena. “The substitute car will be here any minute. We’d like to leave as soon as you finish eating, if that’s alright.”  
“Of course.” Serena nods.  
“And I think Alex and I… we’ll gather our things at the hotel and go back to Holby. You can come with us or stay. I’m sure they can get you to station later.”  
“Oh, ok.” Serena checks silently with Sian. “I think we’ll stay there until Monday morning as planned. If you… if it’s ok with you.”  
Serena tries to read something in Bernie’s eyes but they’re just weary.  
“Sure. I’ll wait for the car at the gate.”

The ride back is completely silent. Alex sits tense with her dark glasses on. Bernie drives fast the new car, a BMW 1 Series jet black. It would have been fun to drive at any other time. Serena and Sian do not dare to say a word.  
When they park in the hotel’s parking lot Alex gets out before Bernie can turn off the engine. She sighs and speaks without looking at the two women on the backseat. “I don’t think I’ll see you later. I didn’t mean… anyway try and enjoy the rest of the holiday. I wish we didn’t… My room is being paid for, so you can use it… if you want. Well I gotta go.” They all get out, Bernie locks the car and disappears inside.  
“Is she always so eloquent? She does look more like an action kind of girl, if you catch my drift.”  
“Careful Sian I can hear your sexuality bending dangerously.”  
“I bet you know all about it.”

Serena is taking a long and hot shower. Without Sian distracting her it’s hard not to think about Bernie and Alex. She hopes they haven’t decided to drive all the way back to Holby. Bernie was obviously distracted. The shower gel falls from her grip. Serena curses and picks it up. She begins to wash herself and small flashbacks come to her mind. Bernie’s skin warm and soft sliding on hers. Her hand traveling down Bernie’s back. The texture of Bernie’s knickers under her fingertips. Serena searches hastily for the tap and turns the water cold.  
Sian is waiting for her on the bed. “You took your time! I think I’ll take Bernie’s room after all, so I don’t have to wait ages. Why are you so red? Doesn’t seem a healthy color.”  
“I think something happened.”  
“I don’t… you mean between you and Bernie?” Sian smiles. “Details.”  
“I only remember fragments. But I’m pretty sure just little things. Nothing… substantial.”  
“That’s incredibly boring. I’m gonna take a shower.”  
Serena checks her phone. She knows she’s not going to find what she wants but she looks for it anyway. Bernie won’t call, won't message her for a while, she suspects.

They spend the afternoon lazily by the pool. Serena is mostly silent, she tries to read her book but keeps losing the place. She imagines Bernie still in the water, she had seemed so at ease, so light and happy there. They must have been arrived by now. Serena shakes her head, she can’t think about them. “Shall we have something to drink?”  
Sian is sitting by the pool. “I thought you never asked.”  
They start with something fruity. Serena doesn’t like it one bit and the next round is wine. So is the third and the fourth.  
“Are you trying to getting me drunk?”  
“You can do a perfectly fine job without me.”  
“I thought that after the failure of last night you might still be all hot and bothered.”  
“Sian.” Serena admonishes her.  
“Too soon? Because Brighton is full of kindred spirited ladies.”  
“Sian!”  
“It’s on the guide. I’m not making things up.”  
Serena gives up. “I’m not looking for any other… any lady. At all.” She adds for good measure.  
Sian sips her white wine, pensive. “Aren’t you curious? I would. I am.”  
“Of what?” Serena says patiently.  
“Bedding the major, of course.”  
Serena looks at her gobsmacked.

At dinner Sian is occupied doing sweet eyes at a man on the other side of the room.  
“I think I’ve picked his interest.”  
Serena looks behind her. “He’s with his wife.”  
“There, Campbell, is where lies our biggest difference.”  
“No moral compass whatsoever?”  
“No, sister Serena. I’m just not afraid of taking what I want.” Sian smiles. “He’s looking at me right now.”  
Serena pushes away her plate of spaghetti.  
“We should go outside when we finish, see if he follows us.” Sian says.  
Serena nods and pours herself another glass of wine.

 

FEBRUARY

They’re leaving Albie's. A bit tipsy. Ric puts his hands on both their back and laugh. “So glad I’ll be hungover at home tomorrow. What about you ladies?”   
“Working” Bernie slurs and they all laugh again.   
“Poor lads under your shaky scalpel.”  
Bernie stands her hand. “Steady like a statue.”  
Serena reaches out and intertwines her fingers with Bernie’s. “Show off.”  
They look at each other, both surprised for the contact. Ric grins and steps back and pushing them closer, just a bit. “Have a goodnight girls.” He doesn’t wait for an answer he knows it’s not coming.   
Serena opens her hand but Bernie tightens her grip.   
“Bernie…”  
“I drank too much.” It’s a justification. A whispered plea.  
Serena’s will wavers and her thumb brushes Bernie’s wrist.   
Bernie moves Serena’s hand close to her mouth and kisses it. Looks up to Serena and flicks her tongue on a knuckle. Then another. Serena’s eyes are burning. Bernie breathes and Serena can feel it hot on her skin.   
“Let me…” Bernie starts but cannot finish. They stare at each other, Bernie waits and waits. But permission never comes. She closes her eyes, swallows the tears that she knows will eventually come, and try to kisses her anyway. Serena turns her face and Bernie stops, close enough to smell her perfume.  
“I can’t do this again.”  
“Why?” Bernie is back where she was before. Her voice is flat. She will be desperate but not now, not here. “I know you still feel something, it’s not only in my mind.”  
Serena is confused by this change. So sudden. She has to think before answering. “It’s not only in your mind. I do care about you, I do…” She hesitates. She can’t possibly say how much she wants her, how deep runs her desire, to this detached version of Bernie. “Bernie, whatever feelings I may have for you, the strongest, the one that scares me to death, the most dangerous is that I don’t trust you.”  
Bernie blinks. Once, twice. That’s all Serena can see. What she can’t see is that Bernie’s heart has stopped. That the pain spreads from that one muscle to everywhere, how Bernie feels every cell in her body ache and break.  
“Are you going to say anything?” Serena has to ask because Bernie simply doesn’t move. Serena turns around, tries to leave but after a few steps turns around again. “I trusted you. Immediately. With my life. I was so sure you could never hurt me. On purpose, at least. And then you did exactly that. Repeatedly. One must think me so naive. But I’m not naive, I don’t think I’ve ever been.” Serena isn’t looking at Bernie anymore, her eyes are wandering. A couple is leaving Albie, linked to each other, laughing. Serena smiles sadly. “I loved you. So simple. So clear. So bright, I couldn’t even see you.”


	4. Sunday

SUNDAY 20 AUGUST

Sunday arrives and Serena can’t wait for this trip to be over. She wants to know what’s going on in Holby. Bernie hasn’t called, she hasn't even used her Whatsapp in the last twenty-four hours, Elinor had taught her where to look. Sian has tried to calm her down but has given up since Serena shouted at her at breakfast. After that, Sian has booked all the different kinds of massages the hotel offers for the day. Serena has tried one in the morning but she didn’t liked being touched. Having a stranger’s hands on her was more stressful than anything else. Hands that weren’t Bernie’s.  
They eat at seven and then go into separate rooms. Serena just wants to go to bed to make their return home, come as close as possible.  
She can’t sleep. She tosses and turns, she watches telly, she rummages in her toiletry bag hoping to find her sleeping pills but finds nothing. At eleven she dresses up, goes downstairs and begs the boy at the reception to give her a fag and a lighter.  
She leans on the window wall outside the pool and breathes the fresh air. Her mobile buzzes. She takes it from her pocket not even wishing it was Bernie anymore. _‘Where are you?’ _It’s her. Serena smiles.__  
_‘By the pool with a fag. Like the cool kids.’ ___  
“Wanna share?” Bernie’s voice comes from the path behind the trees.  
Serena’s heart flips. “I’ve been told you’re not good at it.”  
“You asked the wrong person.” Bernie is in front of her and Serena can see her smirk under the scattered lights of the garden. She wants to kiss that smirk away and never stop but she has to ask. “Why are you here?”  
“I told the truth, for once.”  
“And?”  
“And it led me here.”  
Serena nods and puts the fag in her mouth.  
Bernie leans on the wall next to her and sees Serena's fingers tremble while she lights the cigarette.  
“I was worried.” Serena says.  
“I wanted to talk to Alex, try to explain… to do things the right way, if there is one. She deserved as much. I should have never let things go so far. I thought that if I had loved her once, I could love her again. But I was already in love with someone else.”  
“Was?”  
Bernie shrugs and smiles. Serena takes a drag of the cigarette and blows the smoke on Bernie’s face.  
Bernie squeezes her eyes and laughs. “Why are you here? Outside.”“Couldn’t sleep.” Serena passes her the fag, Bernie takes it brushing against Serena’s fingers. Serena looks down. Bernie is wearing black boots over her dark jeans. She sees her silver belt buckle shines, follows the cotton vest under an open tartan green shirt. Lays her eyes on the small amount of bare skin up to Bernie’s neck. Sees clearly her lips curve into a grin. When Serena finally meets Bernie’s eyes they shift from playful to lustful.  
“Come with me.” Bernie gets rid of the fag and takes her hand.  
“Where?” Serena protests.  
Bernie opens the door of the pool and lets Serena in. The faint smell of chlorine and the warm air hit them. It’s dark inside, the only lights come through the glass.  
“We can’t be here.”  
“Then don’t tell anyone.” Bernie begins to remove her clothes. “Come on!” She hurries Serena.  
“I don’t have my swimming suit.”  
Bernie laughs. “I presume you’re wearing underwear.”  
“Yes but…”  
Bernie is down to her bra and knickers. Serena sees the water reflecting on her body. Bernie comes closer. “I drove for hours only thinking of this. Come with me.”  
Serena is still uncertain but begins to unbutton her shirt. Bernie doesn’t move and Serena jokes. “Are you gonna watch?”  
“Yes.” Bernie says seriously.  
Serena’s fingers slips and she has to start again. She undress slowly because she’s not sure she can go safely faster. She takes off the shirt and her shoes. Bernie steadies her while she peels off her slacks. They stand in front of each other for a moment, then Serena watches Bernie go to the pool, walk inside until the water is up to her chest.  
“It’s not cold, I promise.”  
Serena takes the first step, the second and stops. Bernie comes back for her, a bit worried.  
“What is it?”  
“I…” Serena breathes loudly. “I can’t swim, ok?”  
“Oh.”  
“Yes, so this is all wonderful and romantic until I drown. I’m sorry Bernie I…”  
She tries to go out but Bernie stops her. “Please don’t. I’m here you can’t possibly drown, I’d save you.”  
“Let’s not let it come to that, alright?”  
They’re almost out of the pool and Bernie’s body is wet and cold against Serena. She puts her hands around Serena’s waist. “The water is not deep on this side. I’ll be with you the whole time. You just have to…”  
“Trust you?”  
Bernie loosen her grip but immediately tightens it again. “Yes.” She says with conviction.  
Serena searches her eyes for any doubts but the only thing she can find is love. “Ok.”  
Bernie smiles, grateful, holds Serena’s hand and together they slowly walk down the steps.  
“How do you feel?”  
“It’s a rather complicated question right now. But, if you are talking about the water, I’m ok, just stay close.”  
“Don’t think that will be an issue.” Bernie grins. “I just want you to be as comfortable as possible”  
“Comfortable?” Serena tilts her head.  
“I’m going to let go of your hand and put my arms around you.”  
“It’s for my safety?”  
“Definitely.” Bernie kisses Serena’s shoulder, slowly up her neck and whispers in her ear. “I wanted to do this for so long.”  
“Just this? I’m sure you can do better.”  
And Bernie does, mouth open, teeth bashing, until they can’t breath anymore.  
Bernie’s forehead is on Serena’s. “I need you… I need you to trust me again.”  
Serena looks at her confused, then feels her feet leaving the floor, her legs clinging around Bernie.  
“Can I?” Bernie says.  
“I think you just did.”  
Bernie looks down at her bodies. “I’m sorry, I got carried away. I don’t want you to be scared of the water.”  
“That’s not what I am now.” Serena kisses her again. Bernie moves and Serena feels herself floating.  
“Can I… Can I?”  
“You can do whatever you want, Bernie.” Serena smiles fondly.  
“Yes… I just don’t want… You’ve never…”  
“I can’t swim and here I am. You’ll see how easily I can adapt. Bring it on, Major.”  
Bernie laughs. “I’ll try to be gentle.”  
Serena’s worried look is priceless. “Don’t. Just… don’t.”  
“I thought as much.” Bernie smirks and Serena gets lost for a moment.  
“My god you are so beautiful.” Serena caresses her face. “Stunning.”  
Bernie tilts her head. “You’re trying to distract me. Won’t work.” She kisses Serena. Pushes her against the side of the pool. The thrust makes Serena’s leg part and she loses the grip. Bernie puts her hands under her ass to hold her up.  
“Leave them there.” Serena says between kisses. “Your hands. I need you.”  
Bernie slips her fingers under Serena’s knickers. They both moan at the first touch. Serena puts her hand in Bernie’s hair and pulls at it when she buckles her hips to meet Bernie’s fingers. Bernie’s head falls back and Serena licks her neck, bites it. The water around them ripples till the other side of the pool. Serena’s whines echoes on the walls. “You have to be quieter.” Bernie whispers.  
“It’s not that easy.”  
Bernie nibbles at her shoulder and pulls down a strap with her mouth. “I know.”  
Serena frees herself of the strap. Bernie licks the skin over the water, then push Serena higher. Her fingers reach Serena’s clit. She looks at Serena’s breast. Serena pulls her closer, Bernie bites her, sucks her nipple. Her fingers move faster. Serena can’t control herself anymore. She buckles erratically, pulls up Bernie’s head and kisses her mouth when she comes.  
Their breathing is still ragged when Serena licks her lips and says. “I don’t think I‘ve ever come so quickly.”  
“Some may argue it took almost an year.”  
“No stain on my reputation, then.”  
Bernie laughs. “Or maybe I’m incredibly good.”  
“Or just lucky, darling.” Serena smirks.  
“Is that a challenge, Miss Campbell? You must know by now that I work better under pressure.”  
Bernie disappears under water and when resurfaces she’s holding Serena’s leg and she makes her sit on the edge of the pool.  
“What are you doing?”  
Bernie shakes the water from her face. “Challenge accepted.” She spreads Serena’s leg.  
Serena tries to close them. “No, someone can come!”  
“Yes, you. In a minute, I reckon.” Bernie kisses her thigh and Serena groans.  
Bernie runs her hand up her legs and she hooks her thumbs on Serena’s knickers. “Lift up a little.” Serena obliges and Bernie removes them. Bernie stares at what is right in front of her then up, slowly until she meets Serena’s dark eyes. “Gorgeous.”  
Serena touches lightly her face. Bernie steps between her legs and kisses her stomach. She trails down and Serena’s finger find their way on her wet hair. “Don’t make me wait.” She says pushing Bernie where she wants her. Bernie tastes water at first, then something that’s only Serena’s. She moans and licks her faster. There will be time to savor the moment, to learn Serena’s body. But it’s not now. She has waited for so long, too long. She knows this urgency is making her rough and inaccurate but she cannot force herself to slow down. And Serena is making a million different sounds that are making her nuts.  
“Touch yourself.” Serena says. Bernie looks up at her and it feels more like an order than a suggestion.  
Serena watches Bernie’s hand dive into the water. Watches Bernie shaking at the first contact. And she knows she won’t last. She pushes Bernie harder against herself. “Will you come with me?”  
Bernie nods, moves down, finds Serena entrance and puts her tongue inside and out. Serena leans back on her free hand to give her more space. And that’s all it takes. Her grip on Bernie’s hair gets impossibly tight and Bernie knows she will come too.

_____ _

_______Bernie takes a long breath and easily pulls herself up next to Serena. They stare at each other and laughs. “As much as I like the sight of you dripping wet, it’s getting really cold.” Serena says still smiling, she thinks she’ll never rid her face of this silly look, she hopes she won’t._  
Bernie puts her arm on her shoulders and kisses her cheek. “I only need a moment.”  
Serena leans her head on Bernie. “Will you teach me to swim?”  
“Did you enjoyed your time in the pool?”  
“It wasn’t so bad.” She kisses Bernie’s neck. “It wasn’t bad at all.” 

_______The next morning Sian is already at the table eating her breakfast when Serena comes down from her room._  
“Hello sleepyhead. You almost missed this incredible eggs benedict. You look very relaxed, maybe all you needed were a good ten hours in bed.”  
“Yes, about that…”  
“Oh, You don’t know yet!”  
“What?”  
“The staff is totally abuzz today. They have found, you’ll never guess, knickers floating in the pool! Can you believe that? And they’re not mine!”  
Serena blushes. “I know they aren’t.” Her voice nothing more than a whisper.  
“How could you possibly…” Bernie choose that moment to get through the door. Sian looks at her then back at Serena, who is completely red by now. “Campbell!”  
“Hi, Sian.” Bernie brushes her hand on Serena’s shoulder and sits next to her. She looks at Sian, then at Serena and frowns. “What?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! I hope you enjoyed this story. If you want to say hello on Tumblr I'm [willowisacoolwitch](http://willowisacoolwitch.tumblr.com/).   
> Thanks to my beta, TwoBeatsAtOne:)


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